Sitting in front of my television, I always was surprised how sincere everyone says they are just happy to be there. As a competitive person, I never thought that it was possible to be happy to be tied for second on international television. You work so hard on something you care about, and you go through all these sacrifices to put your best work out there only for someone to snatch up the award and thank their mother and say, “The people in my category are so deserving of this and I’m amazed to be nominated with them.” How very nice, but if you are sitting down, you still didn’t win.
I was really confused with this concept until it hit close to home in a way that I could relate to. Contrary to my high school aspirations, and my very private fantasies, I will not be going to the Oscars for the amazing film that I wrote, directed, produced, and starred in and win 14 Academy Awards. Instead, I got the opportunity to apply for an internship to one of my dream companies in Chicago, my favourite city in the world.
To be fair, I really didn’t think I had a chance of even being a blip on their radar. I was amazed to find out they wanted an interview. We scheduled the time, and I prepared as best I could. As interviews go, I think it went really well. (I am a terrible at forced interaction, and making myself good in public is about as easy as pulling teeth from a shark.) It was a good back and forth and I learned more about their company and I think I gave them a decent view into my world without scaring them too much. (Maybe talking about masturbation was a bit much, but if Cosmo can tweet about it, why can’t I bring it up?) I had really good answers and really decent questions for them. I have gone through interviews where I have bombed, so I was feeling good about it.
I was told that I would hear from them on Monday, and I anxiously waited. And waited. And waited. Fun fact: the weekend is a really long 48 hours when there is little to distract from the fact you might be relocating to a different time zone in less than a week. Not to mention, this is a huge step that I would be making in my career and I would be readjusting my entire life for this. All of this information was so much to handle in one weekend.
Today, I received an email with my fate. I was not given the internship, but I was given a positive rejection, and to look for possible future positions. I’ve sent out the obligatory “I didn’t get it” txts, and have gotten “I’m sorry” in return, but really I’m not. I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry at all.
First and foremost, I’m just glad I know the outcome. I’ve been nervous for a week. Getting an interview for something that I care about was amazing in itself. I’m glad that I know where I stand in the industry. I’m glad that my resume qualified me an interview, even though I am 3 states away, in the 3rd largest city in the country. I’m glad that I have the support from my friends and family to want me to go and follow my dreams. I’m so blessed that when it all came together that it could have happened and I had friends in Chicago who were there to catch me when I got there.
I feel like I’m am miles ahead of where I was 3 weeks ago, and I am so glad I have gotten this opportunity to really put myself to the test. While I didn’t come in first, I really feel like I did cross the finish line. And, when it is all said and done, it really is just an honour just to be nominated.