why won’t Siri talk to me?

Because, I apparently I think I am privileged, and four years old. I’m whining on a public forum about my iPhone’s personal assistant. (Who would’ve thought our phones would get a personal assistant before most of us would?)

Hedwig, my phone, is great. She’s perfect and sleek. She’s smart, and I like her. Siri, her personal assistant is a pain. I’d use another word here, but I’ve been trying to cut down on my swearing.

She actively hinders my attempt to be productive. The other day when said to “txt Leah,” ‘Are You That Somebody?’ started playing. Now, I’m sure Aaliyah would be proud that Siri felt it at that moment to make her life relevant to me, all I wanted to do was txt my friend back.

Today, on the way to work, “Play Coldplay Mylo Xyloto” went from “Milo the lotto” to Bob Marley’s ‘Could You Be Loved’ playing.  I had even spelled it out in the speech bubble. I don’t understand how that could have messed up.

On my way to go to a bar, I pressed the button to talk to her. NOTHING. No ding. Nothing.

Driving down a potholed road, I have to log into Maps, MANUALLY to type in the name of the bar. How annoying is that?

(Again, I told you this was a whiny first world post about how Thom’s iPhone doesn’t work. I’m sorry. You can stop reading at any time.)

Sometimes, she pretends she’s going to be productive and helpful. I’ll press the button, she’ll ding hello. (I am convinced that is what the first ding means. The latter one is lower, and therefore means goodbye, but I digress. Often.) I’ll ask her “play Foster The People” and she’ll say something like, “one moment.” “I’m thinking” then

“I’m sorry. I can’t take any requests right now. Please come back later.”

Uhm. What?

Did I offend you in some way? Why won’t you talk to me? Am I crazy for thinking that you have feelings and therefore can decide that you are not going to grant my wishes?

I went up to the closest Apple Store to ask them what the problem was, but the Genius Bar was too booked for me to see them. The lanky attendant asked me very offending questions about my knowledge of iTunes. Okay, not really that offending, but I think I know how to find the reset button on my iPhone setting in my iTunes. (Okay, that may be more work than I knew, ..but still I know how to do it.)

I thought it was fixed when my boyfriend did something magical with my phone. He messed with settings and said he did [insert real things that I know he worked with but I don’t for the life of me know what] and Siri seemed to work.

But then today happened.

So tomorrow, I’m probably going to have to completely factory reset my phone and hope that it fixes itself. If it doesn’t, I’ll be taking another trip to Ye Olde Apple Store. (It’s 2:11am. Judge me at a later time.) If it does, I’ll be thrilled but always wondering why Siri didn’t work when I first got her.


About theglassPhoenix

I'm a Millenial.
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